The Knee :: essays research papers

The Knee      Most specialists concur that the dehumanization in the clinical setting can prompt the departure of a patient as a result of the absence of regard they are given. That is an extraordinary impetus for specialists to attempt to become acquainted with their patients and cause them to feel as great as could be expected under the circumstances. At the point when a patient goes to a showing clinic where hopeful specialists test patients in gatherings, there is no genuine award for them learning individual data about the patient. They will proceed onward to begin their own training and presumably never observe the patient again. In any case, in light of the fact that the patients are at an encouraging clinic doesn't make them any less significant, so in what manner would medical be able to class programs advance patient-doctor connections when the doctor has nothing to pick up?      Morals and morals would advise a specialist to regard their patient’s protection and keep the assessments discrete. In a perfect world specialists will realize every one of their patients by name, not ailment, know a tad about their private life and discover a state of contact with every patient. When in enormous gatherings, specialists and clinical understudies don’t truly have the chance to talk secretly with the patients to become more acquainted with them, however would it be advisable for them to ignore the patient all together and just location the central objection? In Constance Meyd’s â€Å"The Knee,† â€Å"all eyes are on the knee; nobody meets her eyes† and she is seen by the understudies and instructor as â€Å"irrelevant† (167). The woman’s â€Å"embarrassment and vulnerability are evident† to the inspectors, yet they ignore her feelings as they proceed with the leg moves. Basic graciousness would advi se the gathering to close the entryway and permit the patient to cover herself all the more enough, yet the creator stressed that the entryway was open the whole time.      It is very evident that ethics, morals and normal graciousness are insufficient to support the regard of patients in the instructive climate, as is found in the story. I trust it is the duty of the clinical school to urge their instructors to show approaches to interface with patients instead of simply training the life structures of medicinal services. Instructors should be good examples for understudies and in the event that they are not educated to approach patients with deference, the main way they can discover that sort of aptitude is the most difficult way possible; through the loss of patients due to their sentiments of superfluity at the doctor’s office, or through the objections of individuals who are unsatisfied with their nature of social insurance.

Case Study of Chiquita-Free-Samples for Studetns-Myassignmenthelp

Question: Talk about the Case Study of Chiquita. Answer: Partners and moral issues The partners of Chiquita are the representatives, clients, providers, merchants and the packagers for the food things. Alongside this, the outer partners of the organization are the neighboring accomplices in the neighboring nations. The organization explicitly obliges the necessities, requests and prerequisites of the partners, which mirrors the adherence to the work environment morals (Crane and Matten 2016). One of different partners of the organization is United Self-Defense Forces of Columbia (AUC), to which Chiquita has been making the installments since the time of 2001-2004. In 1990s, the organization enjoyed association with Rainforest Alliance (Chiquita.com 2017). The fundamental motivation behind this association was to serve the clients and customers in a proficient and successful way. Taking steps to kill the workers for not making the ideal installment for the coercion or executing the groups of the representatives repudiates the part of morals. As an issue of detail, partners and morals are interrelated with one another. Morals upgrades the notoriety of the organization. Notwithstanding, confirming with the requests of the fear mongers is a savvy represent shielding the representatives from experiencing the lamentable destiny of death. This reaction is adept regarding improving the brand picture (Chiquita.com 2017). On the off chance that the organization makes the installment in dread that the representatives would be slaughtered, it speaks to the moral contemplations of the organization work force as far as obliging the requirements of the partners. Then again, deferring the installment procedure bothers the existence danger of the workers, which joins an inquisitive parameter to the job of the staff regarding guaranteeing the prosperity of the representatives. Survey it from different points of view, declining to make installment according to the directions of the psychological militant gathering mirrors the languid mentality towards the prosperity of the representatives. This mindset is against the fundamentals of morals, which denies the partners of the organization from their essential needs (Ferrell and Fraedrich 2015). In the event that the response for the inquiry is truly, at that point they have to look for viable techniques for managing the fear based oppressors. In this lays the fittingness of the exchange procedures as far as rehearsing great business morals. Diving profound into the issue, confirmation regarding giving the appropriate response can be considered as an assertion with the requests of the fear mongers gathering. Then again, dismissal of the requests and guidelines of the fear mongers mirrors the developed conduct of the representatives as far as taking care of the requirements of the partners. Contemplating the speculations of partner examination causes the work force to accomplish positive results. Connection of the fear based oppressor viewpoint in this setting needs compelling methodologies, which would demonstrate gainful as far as guaranteeing the assurance of the representatives (Carroll and Buchholtz 2014). Assignment of AUC as an acclaimed fear based oppressor gathering, examines the demonstration of putting forth installments in defense of the organization. This makes a negative picture in the psyches of the partners, particularly the clients as far as having steadfastness, trust and reliance for the organization. Openings and difficulties of the association Dangers from the fear monger bunches have unfavorably influenced the security of the partners. Reliable dangers have constrained the organization to experience examples of client turnover and worker turnover, driving the efficiency into absolute misfortune. As an issue of particular, the workers were experiencing life hazard, which mirrors the instantaneousness as far as making the blackmail installments (Mason and Simmons 2014). Paying the cash to the psychological oppressor bunches raises the dangers with respect to making bogus bodies of evidence against the organization. Run of the mill proof for this reality lies in the affirmation of AUc being a rumored psychological militant association. Taking into account this announcement, the installments gave become unlawful, adding unsteadiness to the money related parameter of Chiquita. The word quandary in the title of the open explanation mirrors the methodology of the faculty as far as managing the consistent dangers of the psychological militants. Ineptitude of the faculty to look for proficient arrangements mirrors their quandary regarding inclining toward life or law. Favoring life implies the invalidation of the principles and guidelines, which negates the pith of administration (Bowie 2017). Then again, if law is chosen, it indicates lazy demeanor towards the prosperity of the representatives. Countering this, if both are liked, it mirrors the endeavors of the workers to keep up the harmony between the inward and outer condition. On the off chance that the idea of psychological oppression is joined in this unique situation, the force of the worddilemma is heightened. In this circumstance, looking out powerful available resources for using the had lands for developing the banana estate, goes about as an open door for the organization staff for improving the c ertainty towards ignoring the dangers of the psychological militants (Hoffman, Frederick and Schwartz 2014). Recruiting the paramilitary powers for the insurance of the representatives was one of a viable methods, which assisted with beating the test of security. Making the installments for this enlistment to the unlawful paramilitary gatherings was illicit, which disturbed the complexities of the staff as far as shielding the life of the workers. At the end of the day, assurance of the workforce got one of the significant issues. Despite the fact that the ideal opportunity for this was 1990, the power of the issue invalidates the time. Slaughter in regards to executing the workers expands the force of the difficulties (Chiquita.com 2017). Resistance to the guidelines and guidelines while making the installments acted like a test for Chiquita as far as giving the necessary insurance to the workers. Run of the mill models toward this path are the murdering of 28 honest specialists in the slaughter. Alongside this, one of the striking occurrences is the homicide of two laborers in the front of their associates. This damages the representatives, which influences their efficiency. In particular, it mirrors the problem of the work force as far as inclining toward securing the life of the representatives or following by the law (Chiquita.com 2017). Making installments to the psychological oppressor bunches without the information on the administration authorities was additionally a test for the Chiquita regarding balancing out the budgetary parameter. Under such conditions, stepping up and advise the administration authorities about the installments went about as an open door for the organization to add legitimacy to the way toward making installments. One of the difficult minutes for the organization was the point at which it was fined $25 million. Be that as it may, worry for the workers and their prosperity empowered the staff to make the principal portion installment of $5 million (Chiquita.com 2017). This exertion was additionally refuted by the Department of Justice investigator as ethically unsuitable, as it touched off a sparkle of upset in numerous pieces of the United States. Investigating a moral issue from the point of view of the partners In 1995, a slaughter occurred, where 28 representatives of Chiquita were out of nowhere assaulted when they were heading off to the working environment on the transport. The impact of the slaughtering has not yet lessened that two additional workers experienced the heartbreaking destiny of death while their partners had to watch the shocking scene. This sort of pressurization is a sort of mental torment of the representatives, which urges them to experience horrendous circumstances (Tricker and Tricker 2015). Making the installments to the psychological militant gatherings without the data of the administration authorities bothered the complexities of Chiquita as far as monetary emergency. This brought questions up in the brains of the financial specialists in regards to extending their business in Chiquita. The partners, particularly, examiner of the Department of Justice, considered installment to the fear based oppressor bunches deceptive, particularly the. This presentation increased the opposition among Chiquita and the contemporary brands. Upon examination, the Board of Directors found that the installment procedure has numerous crevices. In 2000, the Board of Directors exhumed that no move was made disregarding monitoring the broken installment process. After two years, in 2002, one of the representatives found the assertion of AUC being a fear monger gathering. After this, the worker educated the administration (Chiquita.com 2017). After this, the Board of Directors began the examination procedure and found that the installment was deceptively made to the psychological oppressor gatherings. In the period of 2003, the organization enjoyed association with he Washington lawyer. The aftereffect of this association was dismissal, which added unsteadiness to the money related paramete r of Chiquita. Following two months, it was found that consistency was kept up in making dishonest installments. Issue with this sort of installment released the data to the Department of Justice. This corrupted the notoriety of Chiquita among the partners and investors (Chiquita.com 2017). Basic assessment of the appropriateness of the potential answers for the moral issue Imagining the improvement of corporate social obligation appears to be able as far as reestablishing the lost respect and equity. Be that as it may, the endeavors toward this path added to the quirk of the moral issue. Keeping up the congruity with the part of partner examination in the past inquiry, John Entine, one of the analysts of the Chiquita case, can be considered as the partner. This is on the grounds that the force of the issue has constrained him to take up the pen and ponder the sad destiny of the organization, particularly the representatives. Changing into a food merchant from a food organization appeared to be productive as the business income was expanded and much worth was added to the net revenue. Collaborating wuth R

The American Labor Movement of the nineteenth cent Essay Example For Students

The American Labor Movement of the nineteenth penny Essay ury created because of the city-wide associations that troubled specialists were setting up. These people were resolved to get the rights and benefits they merited as residents of a free nation. They wouldn't be dealt with like slaves, and work under agonizing conditions any more. Laborers consolidated and understood that a gathering is substantially more remarkable than a person while challenging threatening organizations. Associations, alliances of laborers seeking after a typical target, started to frame requesting just ten rather than twelve hours in a work day. Laborers understood the significance of monetary and lawful security against the incredible managers who exploited them. (AFL-CIO American Federalist, 1) The beginnings of the American Labor Movement began with the Industrial Revolution. Material plants were the main processing plants worked in the United States. When production line frameworks started to grow, an interest for laborers expanded. They employed a lot of young ladies and kids who were relied upon to accomplish a similar work as men for less wages. New outsiders were additionally utilized and called free specialists since they were incompetent. We will compose a custom paper on The American Labor Movement of the nineteenth penny explicitly for you for just $16.38 $13.9/page Request now These foreigners filled urban communities, urgent for any sort of work.(Working People, 1) Kid work in the manufacturing plants was normal, yet vital for a familys salary. Youngsters as youthful as five or six kept an eye on machines or did tasks, for example, clearing floors to win cash. It was risky, and they were regularly harmed by the enormous, substantial hardware. No laws kept the manufacturing plants from utilizing these youngsters, so they kept on doing as such. (AACTchrNET, 1) Sweatshops were made in swarmed, unsanitary apartments. These were improvised development houses, grimy and agonizingly hot. They were generally shaped for the development of articles of clothing. The wages, as in processing plants, were desolately low, no advantages were made, and the laborer was paid by the quantity of pieces the person in question finished in a day. Unreasonable requests were put on the laborers who could scarcely stand to help their families. (1) The United States had the most elevated activity related casualty pace of some other industrialized country on the planet. Everybody worked eighty hours or progressively seven days for amazingly low wages. People earned twenty to forty percent not exactly the base esteemed fundamental for a respectable life. The number was much more dreadful for youngsters. (Division of Humanities Computing, 2) Often laborers would return home in the wake of a monotonous day and need to proceed with take a shot at an incomplete item, which they needed to come back to the processing plant in the first part of the day. Their occupations were rarely completed, and they scarcely had whenever to rest. (Working People, 1) These men, ladies, and kids lived in broken down apartments. Individuals lived and worked in undesirable conditions in neediness with little food. (Working People, 1) The nation was developing and its economy was rising, however its kin were hopeless. Innovative upgrades ceaselessly diminished the interest for gifted work. However, eighteen million outsiders somewhere in the range of 1880 and 1910 entered the nation anxious for work. With a plenitude of new outsiders ready to work, and no laws ensuring a specialists rights, organizations ignored the lives of the people. (Division of Humanities, 1) This started to change with the arrangement of National Unions, coordinated efforts of worker's organizations made to be much more compelling than the neighborhood associations. (Working People, 1) The National Trades Union, framed in 1834, endeavored to improve the present working conditions, however bombed because of the monetary frenzy three years after the fact. (AFL-CIO American Federationalist, 1) The National Labor Union in 1866 figured out how to build up an eight hour work day in 1868 for government representatives. Be that as it may, it self-destructed once their pioneer had kicked the bucket in 1873 and a financial downturn cleared the country over. (1) .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e , .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e .postImageUrl , .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e .focused content territory { min-tallness: 80px; position: relative; } .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e , .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e:hover , .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e:visited , .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e:active { border:0!important; } .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e .clearfix:after { content: ; show: table; clear: both; } .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e { show: square; progress: foundation shading 250ms; webkit-change: foundation shading 250ms; width: 100%; murkiness: 1; progress: mistiness 250ms; webkit-progress: darkness 250ms; foundation shading: #95A5A6; } .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e:active , .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e:hover { haziness: 1; change: obscurity 250ms; webkit-progress: haziness 250ms; foundation shading: #2C3E50; } .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e .focused content region { width: 100%; position: re lative; } .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e .ctaText { outskirt base: 0 strong #fff; shading: #2980B9; text dimension: 16px; textual style weight: striking; edge: 0; cushioning: 0; content embellishment: underline; } .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e .postTitle { shading: #FFFFFF; text dimension: 16px; textual style weight: 600; edge: 0; cushioning: 0; width: 100%; } .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e .ctaButton { foundation shading: #7F8C8D!important; shading: #2980B9; fringe: none; outskirt sweep: 3px; box-shadow: none; text dimension: 14px; textual style weight: intense; line-stature: 26px; moz-outskirt span: 3px; content adjust: focus; content improvement: none; content shadow: none; width: 80px; min-tallness: 80px; foundation: url(https://artscolumbia.org/wp-content/modules/intelly-related-posts/resources/pictures/straightforward arrow.png)no-rehash; position: supreme; right: 0; top: 0; } .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e:hover .ctaButton { foundation shading: #34495E!import ant; } .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e .focused content { show: table; stature: 80px; cushioning left: 18px; top: 0; } .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e-content { show: table-cell; edge: 0; cushioning: 0; cushioning right: 108px; position: relative; vertical-adjust: center; width: 100%; } .ua402bb6470fc9624f59072fadfa52f9e:after { content: ; show: square; clear: both; } READ: My Life of Living and Dying EssayThe first huge national work association to become mainstream was the Noble and Holy Order of the Knights of Labor. It was established in 1869 by piece of clothing laborers in Philadelphia who accepted that one association of talented and incompetent specialists should exist. The association was initially a mystery, however later was available to all laborers, including blacks, ladies and ranchers. 500,000 specialists participated in a year. Their objectives were an eight-hour work day, a lowest pay permitted by law, discretion instead of strikes, wellbeing and security laws, .

Theory of Graviton Fields Essay -- Atomic Structures

The Source, Nature, and Generation of the Graviton Field Outline The paper looks at the likelihood that nuclear structures exists as complete self continuing elements in indistinguishable structure all through the Universe, with no type of outside info. The paper inspects the vitality spending plan of a nuclear structure and reasons that gravitational fascination frames an innate capacity of the structure as low level quanta catapulted from the structure as the last spent molecule. It is hypothesized that all so far distinguished sub nuclear particles are sourced from a solitary molecule, in the focal, substantial center, surrendering vitality in a Bohr/quanta way as they perform specific capacities inside the structure. These different vitality requests are steady with the regularly cited nuclear half existence of 1032 years. A component by which a self continuing structure creates a fascination field is depicted, together with the system by which various structures interface. The procedure identifying with connection inside a solitary structure is likewise portrayed. The paper inspects the idea of the gravitational field. It follows from the anticipation that the nuclear particles recognized so distant from quickening agents, are framed by a quanta/vitality corruption which happens. The center exists as a solitary element in an electron, this equivalent molecule framing a gathering in all the structures distinguished in the occasional table. Key Index Phrases The idea of the graviton field. Presentation In the hypothesis currently introduced by the writer, the since quite a while ago looked for graviton molecule is seen as the 'Spent' or lingering, low vitality molecule emerging from the proton/neutron/electron exponential rot process. This rot speaks to the vitality required to help th... ....dï  ¦,dï  ±,G.M] . dR Since d(E) = R.dF d (E) = ï  ²,. G.M. R2 dï  ¦,.dï  ±, Over the entire surface ïÆ' ¥,E = 2ï  ², ï  ¦,ï  ±,G.M.R2 Subbing figures, E = 56.7x1024 kJ A.2.6 Energy prerequisite per iota dE = 56.7x1024 kJ 0.71x1050 = 7.98x10-23 kJ Changing over to eV d (eV) = 0.0253 eV for Vanadium.

A Week in the Life of a Second Semester MIT Student

A Week in the Life of a Second Semester MIT Student 6.009 Fundamentals of Programming 8.02 Physics II (EM) CMS.100 Intro to Media Studies 6.08 Intro to EECS via Embedded Studies 6.042 Mathematics for Computer Science For all of IAP, Ive been kind of fiddling with my spring semester schedule here and there. Its gone through many, many forms, from 5 classes and a UROP to 5 classes and two UROPs and so on, so forth. Ive decided on a schedule now that would look kind of gross to first-day-of-fall-semester me, a prospective Course 20 who detested everything computer science and could not imagine herself ever coding. But here we are, taking three Course 6 classes (6.042, 6.009, and 6.08) plus a physics class (8.02). An ideal honestly wouldve been 3 technicals and 2 HASSs/writing heavy classes (I was planning to take a Women and Gender Studies course on queer literature), but I ultimately decided that it was better to try and check out 6.08 to actually see if EECS is something Id genuinely like to pursue. I wanted to document my thoughts of each class as this week goes on because I usually find that Im blindly optimistic about classes on the first week (see: 18.01A, 8.01, 3.091) and as time progresses I grow more and more bored with the class and ultimately lose interest and motivation to do well in it, therefore doing the bare minimum and using PNR to my full ability. Now, I dont have that safety net of PNR and I actually, well, have to do decently in classes now, I need to take classes that genuinely interest me in order for me to stay motivated and active. I think itll be really interesting to watch my perspective on each of these classes shift as time progresses, and maybe even comical at how quickly my positive outlook switches into annoyance and dread. This is basically what happened with 18.01A and 8.01 where I was so excited by learning concepts I was shaky on, then realized that the classes were far too advanced for my feeble mind and dropped into 18.01 and 8.01L. Monday 8.02 8.02 was the first class of the day. I woke up around 10:20 and ate some shitty breakfast I scrapped together (it was likewatery oatmeal? I think I was supposed to heat it for longer but it was basically like oatmeal soup. Or cereal. Or basically just granola floating in almond milk that was slightly lukewarm and kind of gross. Really the epitome of self care right now). Aiden showed up on Loop at 10:47 and from there we departed to the TEAL room (I actively shuddered as I had to type that out). We met up with Jordan, who was in Aidens 8.01 TEAL group last semester (at least when Aiden attended). We ended up sitting next to each other in the back of the TEAL room, table 12. 8.02 was just like how I remembered 8.01: L O N G. Two hour lectures? Not my favorite. I spent the time well, though, seeing as I had taken notes on the lecture content the night before. I finished the prepsets for this week in class, skimmed over pset1 (which I dont know how to do), and then proceeded to shop and brainstorm blog ideas since I didnt blog last week. You can see some of our 8.02 nonsense here: ass. 6.08 From here, Aiden and I rushed over to 6.08, a class we share with a l o t of our friends, which makes sense seeing as theres over 400 people enrolled in the class. This is where some of the anxiety starts to kick in. I barely have any coding experience, aside from APCSA in my junior year of high school, a class I barely retained anything in, and my three-week coding extravaganza from 6.145. Walking into that class and seeing a whole lecture hall full of people who just looked like they knew what they were doing really freaked me out. I have this thing where when I dont eat or when I get really stressed or wound up, my hands start shaking very, very noticeably. I struggle to grip on to things and write and oh boy, did my hands start shaking in this class. The lecturer for 6.08, Joe Steinmeyer, is a pretty chillaxed, funny guy who gave a pretty interesting and entertaining first lecture. This ~somewhat~ eased my anxiety, but Im still really nervous. 6.08 is meant to be an introductory course for those trying to see if EECS is the right choice for them, which makes me kind of excited because Ive really been looking for some sign or class that can help me figure out if I really am a Course 6. When lecture ended, Aiden dragged us to MIT.nano (because I quote: the fourth floor has the best bathrooms and I have to use the bathroom) and I kind of sat, swirling with my thoughts. Lots of doubts. Lots of imposter syndrome. Lots of fear. 30 minutes later, Raymond and I left Aiden in the nice, cushy lounge of MIT.nano to return back to 10-250. 6.009 6.009 scares the fuck out of me. Genuinely and wholeheartedly. Basically zero coding experience + a lot of self consciousness when it comes to virtually anything + taking the class in a room full of people who basically already know what theyre doing = anxiety galore. Lots of it. Shaky hands Cami is back everyone and this time, she struggles to breathe and wants to run out of the room. Head empty, no thoughts, drop course 6, lets go. But in all seriousness here are some messages I panic sent to my friends in the first ten minutes of 009: shoutout to her for calming me down3 Once we got past scary logistics and grading stuff, I managed to calm down and take notes and really try hard to follow. It was nice because the majority of it was review and I was able to follow along easily. Our lecturer is a pretty wholesome guy. He wore a samurai pizza cat shirt. End of the day recap I am now sitting here in Loop kitchen, writing this post instead of, well, looking over lab stuff and doing exercises for 6.08 and 6.009. I have two (!!) UROP interviews tomorrow, as well as my first day of CMS.100, which Im actually not officially enrolled in which a n g e r s me because Im a CMS major please just give me my intro class its a major requirement PLEASE. But yes. First day thoughts: Im very shaky. Both literally and mentally. Im doubting a lot of the knowledge I have and its mainly because I have very smart friends in my classes and Im scared of looking stupid. If youve read my blogs, this is a common theme. I often dub myself as probably the least intelligent in my friend group and this has left long-lasting implications. For example, I get embarrassed when I get things wrong. Im self conscious when I have to discuss homework or code with them. I tend to not ask for help because I dont want them to see how little I understand or the stupid mistakes I make that are glaringly obvious for them but not as much to me. Im really excited to learn. A lot of this stuff is just purely uncharted territory for me. Its a lot of things Ive heard in passing (SQL, IoT, etc.) but never really  knew what it was. I really, really want to do well. PNR is no more. PNR is dead. Shes gone. Dead in Miami. Found floating in a ditch with her eyes rolled back in her head and a party hat on because she died doing what she did best: carefree hard partying. And so I must now try my absolute hardest and bestest because GRADES are here and GRADES are scary. I want to do well. Please let me do well. 8.02 still is on PNR though ahahaaaaaa @ Jordan Aquila Im so sorry if Aiden and I leave you hanging for Friday Problem Solving. I think for now Im motivated. But of course, this is how it always starts. Unfortunate that classes started on my birthday because I spent the majority of my birthday anxious and scrambling to understand information rather than, well, like, celebrating it. Simultaneously relieved and scared to have Raymond and Aiden and Caroline in my classes. Of course it had to be the three people Im least comfortable working academically with in our group to share classes with. (They intimidated me beyond belief and working with them makes me very nervous.) Yaaaay. It is now 10:30 PM and Ive been staring at the 6.009 lab for the past thirty minutes, still stuck on the same part. Ive made progress little by little (thank you Adam Hartz and the 6.009 for the incredible response time to my questions. Im forever grateful). Ive had a lot of thoughts about coding and my coding experience that have been building up for the past month or so and Ive always tried to write about them, but never have been able to. Honestly, thats the reason I havent been able to post that much. Ive been told that this lab isnt even closest to being the hardest one, that the part Im stuck on isnt even the worst it gets, that this is such a simple and easy part. And I know. I know these comments mean well. I know theyre just trying to be informative. I know its not out of malintent. But god fucking dammit Im so tired of having my computer science experience invalidated. Im so tired of being told that my struggles really arent that hard. Its the equivalent of telling a fourth grader calculus isnt difficult. Eventually, yes, calculus gets easier and the concepts become easier to understand because you have an arsenal of experience from previous math classes. I, however, do not have that mind palace to grab from right now. All of this feels new to me, and so problems that seem so obvious and noticeable arent to me. So this is a reminder to anyone to please be kind to your friends when they try and learn new things. Learning is so hard. And Im so tired of having my experience muted or belittled just because I dont have as much experience. Anyway, after being on the verge of tears for the past three hours (even after I took a much needed trip to the Z to lift my frustrations), Ive come to the conclusion that I  have to try my hardest in my classes not because I need to, but because I want to. I know Im capable of finishing these classes; Im just frustrated with the environment Im in. Being around my friends who know so much already makes me feel constantly like Im behind, even when Im not. I think some distance could do me some good, maybe spending time with people who also are new to the subject and less experienced in code to show me that its normal to struggle. Im really looking forward to going to my classes tomorrow and Im really excited to go to office hours because God knows I need it. For the past few months, Ive stayed up late at night, staring at my ceiling, begging some higher being to make me smarter. To make me feel like I belong at this school because its February and even now I still feel like my acceptance was a fluke. But I really hope this spring semester reflects a change in that mindset. That with office hours and relentless amounts of time put into working and coding and trying and learning, Ill realize that I have the capabilities to make it not only as an MIT student, but also as a CS major. Because right now, my willpower is being tried, the most it has ever been, and its only the first day. Im stressed, Im anxious, Im upset, Im tired. But I will continue to try because that is the most I can do. Here is to tomorrow. Tuesday It is now 6:48 PM and Im trying to remember all of my day so that this can be a relatively accurate recap, so please bear with me if it seems a bit scrambled. I woke up this morning at 10am and climbed out of bed at 10:18 to put together some yogurt and granola, gobble it up, grab two tangerines, and head out at 10:50 to march on towards Building 1 for CMS.100. CMS.100 At this time, I wasnt actually enrolled in CMS.100; I was waitlisted. The class really wasnt all that interesting, mainly just going over syllabus stuff. It turns out we have to lead presentations discussing texts each class, where were typically assigned 2-3 texts to read over before each class. The class evaluates different forms of media over time, starting with print then moving on to radio, film, social media, and gaming later on in the course. Im really excited to be taking CMS.100 even if the first class didnt really do much because its a well needed break from my technicals. UROP UROP UROP So Ive been having a crisis lately where I dont know whether to stay with the MIT Education Arcade or not. I love the lab with all my heart, but I wanted to try something new and do something maybe more directly related to my majors (CS and CMS). I found this opportunity with a group in the Media Lab that has a lot of promise and I had a really, really good interview with them. I really hope something comes out of it. I also interviewed with a super cool group thats part of MIT.nano that also aligns really well with my interests. So, Im a bit torn apart because I think all three of these opportunities are incredibly interesting, but I just dont know what to choose. I also dont know how my timing and scheduling will work out, especially taking 5 classes, where 2 are pretty demanding and time-consuming (6.009 and 6.08). But I really need a third job because I think Im going to have to buy lunch every day? And thats not exactly kind to my wallet. I really hope to hear back from the UROPs soon so I can make an informed and educated decision about my choice. Ill probably go more in depth about which UROP I choose and why later on. After this, I bought food yet again because I was hungry and walked over to Building 34 for my 6.042 lecture. Raymonds been telling me nonstop about how difficult this class is, so Im definitely pretty intimidated by it. Luckily, I do have some previous experience with the content, as I took discrete mathematics in high school. But unluckily, it was my worst math and I struggled a lot in that class on the high school level so I cant imagine what itll be like here at MIT. I really enjoyed this first lecture, actually. The lecturers are very well organized, easy to follow, and though the class is a bit fast paced and throws a lot of information at you in an hour and thirty minutes, I found myself able to follow along. From here, I made an executive decision to postpone working in favor of going to the Z. (Almost) End of the Day Recap I have a 6.08 lab from 7:30 to 10pm (disgusting, I know) so my day isnt quite finished, but I realized I dont have any other time to write so I might as well do it now. All day Ive been thinking about my 6.009 code. I feel like Im so close to getting this part done, and even though its just the first part, Im really proud of myself for not getting too bogged down about it. I worked on it a bit in CMS.100 (sorry, I know I should be paying attention but c o d e) and honestly didnt get that much done but I  feel Im close. Honestly trying to figure out what I should do tonight or how late I should stay up. I want to do more 6.08 exercises, but I also really should focus on 6.009, but I also have to do some readings for CMS.100 and a pset for 8.02. So theres a lot on my plate. Just thinking about even adding a UROP on top of all this stresses me out, but I need the money. The financial security that comes with having three jobs is really, really nice. Im really nervous for the 6.08 lab. Were assigned partners and I have little to no experience doing hands-on EE stuff. I just really dont want to let my partner down. Overall, a better day than yesterday. Really looking forward to 6.009 recitation tomorrow so I can get a little extra help with my code. 6.08 Its the next day and Im writing this in 8.02 (sorry) and Im feeling pretty #bad about all my Course 6 classes. I dont want to drop any classes because it feels like giving up but also I should love myself and drop a class but I dont want to. This is stressful. I am stressed. The 6.08 lab was fine; I just didnt finish. Its really hard for me to adjust to starting from square 1 ( 01 Aiden saw me type this in 8.02 and he says he disapproves. Hes a big matlab shill. He took an IAP course on it and now he thinks hes the best at it. What an asshole. orzero I guess since everything indexes from 0 except for fake things like MatLab[/annotation note], oh my god look im making coding references HAHA IM AN ACTUAL COURSE 6 NOW). It feels like I dont have as much experience in coding as everyone else so coming up with solutions is just much, much harder for me. I really enjoyed assembling everything and cutting wires and breadboarding (even though my wires were far too long and really messy) but when it came to the final checkoff where we had to, you know, actually code things, I struggled a lot. I remember walking back into Loop and asking to see Raymond and Aidens code since they both got the solution and Raymonds code was just something I wouldnt have even considered and it was so neat and nice. Aiden also came up with the solution, but his was something I could understand a bit better. Anyway, its just very disheartening to have to start back here and constantly feel like Im playing catch up. Its hard for me to tell if this is what challenge is supposed to feel like, or if this is far outside the scope of what Im prepared for and I should drop the class now and take it in my sophomore year when I have more coding experience under my belt. Wednesday Before I even mcfuCkin say anything, LOOK. look. LOOk. I PASSED. I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!! I PASSED. I can sit in 8.02 without any qualms. 8.02 Woke up cozy and warm in my bed at 8:30. Went back to sleep. Woke up at 9:45. Browsed the phone. Out of bed at 10, got ready for the day, ate some breakfast. Side note: Ive been consuming SO MUCH FOOD. Ive started going to the gym six times a week instead of four to get rid of extra steam. Aiden, Jordan, Aquila, and I walked into 8.02 to find our table in the back occupied by HEATHENS (jk if that was you ur good) and we instead walked to the front of the room. It was a relatively chill class, I learned a lot and asked my group for help with understanding. Im feeling really good about 8.02 and Im excited for the rest of the class. 6.009 Ive been told that 6.009 is very optional, meaning labs, recitations, lectures, etc. are pretty much useless if you already know what youre doing and you can skip them all. I do not know what Im doing. I went to 6.009 recitation but I think Im going to use recitations more as two hours of focused, uninterrupted coding, rather than paying attention to tutorials. I was actually really productive in this time, getting unstuck from the debugging part. 6.042 6.042 recitation was really, really fun. I was able to follow the information relatively well and solve the recitation problems given out in class and even participate actively in the class. A really good way to end the day. End of the Day Recap I wish I was more productive this day, but instead I went to an early screening of To All The Boys Ive Loved Before: P.S. I Love You as a little treat to myself for a very stressful start to the spring semester. The movie was amazing and was a nice escape from the bubble that is MIT. I ended the night by finishing up some CMS.100 readings and then went to bed. Thursday Typing this in the morning so: Woke up at 9:30. Read MIT confessions. Went back to bed. Got out of bed at 10:15. Got ready, ate some Nutella on toast, and headed out. Its snowy and wet and cold. Why??? WHY??? Goals for today: finish 6.009 lab do 6.08 exercises look over 6.08 lab01a code and try and fix it CMS.100 Im typing this in the middle of my CMS.100 class and, gonna be honest, feels really awkward and tense right now. Were in that stage where we are all in a relatively intensive discussion based class but were still very much strangers so its hard to be honest and open with our thoughts and opinions when we dont reallyknow each other? Hi, okay now its Friday but Im still going to recap the day. So funny enough, right after I said we dont really know each other, our professor had us do an opener where we had to discuss our guilty media pleasures. I said mine were trashy reality TV shows and Taylor Swift. Here are some notes and quotes I gathered from our discussion. (I sometimes write my own little comments I come up with in my head. Please dont judge me for watching extraction and surgery videosI find them fascinating and very satisfying.) I really thought it was insightful because we really tried to identify  why we classify these things as guilty pleasures and why some things are just simply pleasures. Sometimes it comes down to ethics, other times these things just werent made for us, most of the time its because its just not socially acceptable. It really made me warm up to my CMS.100 class and I actually volunteered to lead discussion for our next lecture so Im really excited! 6.042 From here, I ran to the third floor of the Stud to join the first rush event for WILG! Therell be a blogpost on my rushing experience (Im planning to rush WILG, DPhiE, and PiPhi) probably out some time next week. I grabbed some smoothie drinks, talked to some friends, and headed to my resume meeting at the CAPD office.   This will also most likely be another blogpost. Afterwards, I went to my 6.042 lecture and it was pretty standard. I worked out and then went to Stud5 to fix my code from 6.08s first lab that didnt quite work. I watched a video explaining button toggles and implemented it into my code and felt pretty confident. I then went to another WILG event (pizza in the Stud) and talked to some WILG members! 6.08 I was really nervous about this lab, especially seeing as I didnt finish the very first one. But I happened to be partnered with a really smart guy who knew what he was doing and didnt make me feel nervous or ashamed that I just happened to know less. Being in this comfortable environment made me feel a lot better and I actually ended up being really, really productive. The first part of our assignment was to read about how systems connect to Internet and actually pull up pages on the Internet. It was a pretty hefty couple of paragraphs and our first checkoff assignment was to explain how it all worked. There was some stuff I was pretty fuzzy on, so I shyly asked for some clarification from my partner, who happily explained. Soon, a person came to conduct our checkoff and my partner eagerly explained everything while I kind of quietly sat and nodded. The person then turned toward me and asked me a question, but I remembered because Jay (my partner) had explained it earlier! So it was really nice just to see things work out and to see that I was actually retaining information. From there we had to draw out a diagram of how our code would work. Essentially, we were creating a system that, based on the number of successive button pushes, would pull up a fun fact about said number of pushes. If the button doesnt register another push within one second, it will pull up the fun fact. This is the diagram I drew: I had Jay verify it because Im still very nervous and unsure of myself when it comes to these kinds of things. He said that thats exactly what he has and that I was on the right track. Yay! We both got our checkoffs and then came time for the final checkoff: actually writing the code. I was actually able to do this part relatively easily, asking here and there for clarifications like what does %s mean? and my timer isnt working, should I implement it differently? and my partner really, really helped me. He gave me the idea for doing: if (millis()-timestart TIMEOUT) { } rather than doing: if (millis()-timestart TIMEOUT { } Essentially I used this for my timer. If that time [millis()-timestart] was greater than 1 second, I would move into the next state REQUEST, which is where I would pull up the actual fun fact page. Had I done it the other way, it wouldve been a bit more complicated. End of the Day recap It was pretty shitty because I went to bed at 2, frustrated that my code for 6.009 didnt work. I decided here to wake up at 8am and go to office hours from 9am-3pm, with a slight break in between for 11am-12pm 8.02. Friday Hey ho its Friday but also its still me typing from above. I forgot to type in the stuff from yesterday so I wrote all the Thursday things today. Sorry about that. Anyway. I woke up at 8. Scrolled on my phone until 8:30. Got up, got ready, and headed out straight to 4-370. So, Ill go back to my coding experience after I really quickly touch on 8.02. 8.02 Friday Problem Solving! Were given a packet of questions and we have to work in teams of three to solve them, show the solution to a TA, and get checked off. Once the packet is complete, we are free to leave. Im pretty slow at physics and I really enjoy writing everything out. I write out all of my code before ever putting it in code first and I write out all the equations and things for physics rather than doing it very fast. Aquila and Jordan are VERY fast. Im grateful, but I just feel like a dead weight. Luckily, Aquila is nice enough to cater to all my stupid questions and answer them patiently. Thank you, Aquila!!! So, this is a reminder for myself to go back and read over all those 8.02 problems and do them myself because they moved a bit too fast for me to comprehend. 6.009? is not 6.00-fine. So! Lets talk about code. 9-11AM I worked on writing a way to calculate the kernel or whatever of a pixel. I show my code to 3 or 4 different people. They say its fine. It should be working properly. Okay. 12PM hits. I realize there are no office hours for 6.009 from 12PM-1PM. I am now sitting in the Stata Center waiting for 1PM to come around since 6.009 office hours are from 1-3PM in 32-123. I try to read my code and figure out whats wrong. I see nothing wrong. Then suddenly all the stress and frustration of this week get to me. And here I am, fucking breaking down in the middle of the Stata, sat at this table. I am sobbing, but trying really hard to make my sniffles quieter and my tears unnoticeable. Angrily and perhaps a bit defeatedly, I open up the Common Application website. I make an account. I add transfer programs. Maybe 6 or 7 schools. I am broken. I am tired. I am sad. I think this is the peak of my imposter syndrome so far. Claire walks in and asks if Im okay. I wait a couple of moments before responding because I know if I try to talk, Ill just cry more. She just comforts me. I tell her that this school is hard. And that I feel stupid because everyone is able to grasp solutions so quickly and I am not. My friends finished this lab within the first two days. And here I am 4 hours before deadline still stuck on the third part. And I am broken. And I am tired. And I am sad. She says its okay and that 6.009 is a really hard class. I nod. She tries her best to debug my code. She fixes some noticeable errors (I wrote image[height] instead of image[height]-1). 1PM is here. I go into office hours. I am 35th in the queue. To be fair, 6.009  is a hard class and they have very little TAs for such a large population. I dont mind the waiting. I really appreciate all the 6.009 TAs for everything they do. Its a tough job. Finally, Im up. A TA approaches me and she reads through my code. She sees nothing wrong with it. She says its perfect and its really neat. She scrolls to the bottom. Oh, thats why. You havent been saving the image properly. My stomach fucking plummets. Yeah, just put save_image(result, test.png) instead of save_image(im, test.png). Youve been saving the original image this entire time. I dont know whether to be angry or relieved. Angry that I wasted my time? Yeah. Relieved that my code wasnt actually shit? Yeah. Okay, it is now 2:00 and I have an hour left to finish parts 4, 5, and 6 before I have to go to mandatory 6.042 recitation and this lab is due at 4. Caroline gets my panicked texts and comes over. She helps me a lot and Im really grateful. I end up finishing the lab at 3:11 PM. Im late to my 6.042 recitation, but hey, I passed all the cases. I dont get my checkoff done; Ill save that for Sunday. 6.042 I walk into 6.042 a little late but I still manage to get my name down on the attendance sheet and grab a recitation paper. Its talking about how to write proper proofs. Its things like prove log 2 base 3 is irrational and whatnot. I took discrete in high school and I was awful at it, so I really want to try and do well in 6.042. My group is pretty cool (Kidist is in my 6.042 recitation!!!!) End of the Day recap So lets talk. Today has been a lot. A LOT. A lot. Im really grateful for everyone who offered me help with 6.009. (Thank you to Caroline, Quentin, Claire, Raymond, and probably much more who helped me with my code.) I cried. I almost transferred (the applications are still like half filled. Honestly dont know what Im going to do thereprobably another blogpost on this. Imposter syndrome hours.) I didnt eat at all today, aside from this morning. I did not drink water at all today. I realized this when I almost fainted/fell down (up? I was exiting 32-123) the stairs when I was walking to 6.042. Thats pretty bad. Dont worry, I grabbed Beantown right after 6.042 recitation. I skipped the gym because I just didnt think I was in the right headspace for a push day today, though I really love push days. But yeah, school ishard. MIT is challenging. A lot of it is a mental game, though, rather than academics. At least for me. Its really a challenge of my resilience and belief in myself. Ive always had a weak mental game. I get fazed really easily. The moment I think something is going to go wrong, I kind of self-sabotage. I constantly tell myself Im bad at coding and I always compare myself to the progress of other people, so it can be especially disheartening. Being friends with such competent, capable, and intelligent people makes me realize how behind I am. Its a vicious cycle. I love my friends, they give me help, but then I realize Im kind of a useless sack of shit. I know, thats toxic. Im trying to fix it. I want to take time to relax and rest today, but I have a lot due. A brief to do list: start 8.02 pset. Try and finish it by Sunday night. 6.08 exercises! theyre due by sunday night and im going to try and do them tonight 6.009 lab. yeah fuck u buddy im gonna try and finish u AS SOON AS MCFUCKIN POSSIBLE. i want to get this one done by tuesday. CMS.100 readings and presentation prep honestly, lower priority. this is my fun class. going to probably do this sunday night or monday. 6.042 pset this is very scary. going to go to so many office hours for this one. I am very nervous for this second semester. If every week is going to be like this, I do not know how Im going to do. This week featured the highest of highs (finishing 6.08 lab an hour early, watching TATBILB:PSILY) and the lowest of lows (shaking from anxiety, fainting from lack of self care, breaking down and almost transferring). It is the greatest test of my resilience yet and right now Im just trying to take it a day at a time and try my very bestest. Happy weekend! Aiden saw me type this in 8.02 and he says he disapproves. He's a big matlab shill. He took an IAP course on it and now he thinks he's the best at it. What an asshole. back to text ?